Antiques: Good News – Bad News
A friend of mine was clearing out his attic when he came upon an old painting and a violin. Thinking they might be valuable, he took them to the auction house to be valued. After studying them, the appraiser said, “Well sir, I have good news and I have bad news.” “What’s the good news?” my […]
The Special Parrot
I went into a pet shop and saw a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to its right leg. I asked what’s with the strings. The store owner explained that it was a very smart – bilingual – parrot. “If you pull the red string, he speaks French; if […]
Humor: I’d like a little brother
A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday. “I’d like a little brother,” the boy said. “Oh my, that’s such a big wish,” said the mother. “Why do you want a little brother?” “Well,” said the boy, “there’s only so much I can blame on the dog.” 🙂
Humor: Parking
The busy businessman was driving down the street nervously because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space. Looking up to heaven, he said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking space, I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up drinking!” […]
Humor: Not Cheating
The teacher asked Johnny’s father why he wasn’t concerned about Johnny’s bad grades. “Well,” he said, “I respect him for never cheating on an exam.” 🙂
Humor: Soap Flakes
Did you hear about the guy who accidentally ate soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast? He was very mad. In fact, he was foaming at the mouth! 🙂
Is Your Mother Home?
A salesman rang the bell at a suburban home, and the door was opened by a nine-year-old boy puffing on a long black cigar. Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked the young man, “Is your mother home?” The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet, and asked, “What do […]
A grasshopper goes into a bar . . .
A grasshopper goes into a bar and hops up on a stool. The bartender is surprised to see a grasshopper and says, “Say, you know we have a drink named after you?” The grasshopper responds, “You have a drink named Stanley?” 🙂
Merger News
I heard a rumor that Xerox was merging with Wurlitzer. They’re planning to sell reproductive organs!
Stoplights
Q: What did the first stoplight say to the second stoplight? A: Don’t look I’m changing!! 🙂
