Second, there is a tendency to actually work toward different values in these different roles. At work we need to maximize efficiency and watch the budget. With the kids we need to focus more on understanding and nurturing. With the spouse we focus on love and support.

These goals are not necessarily inconsistent with one another. But the values that need to be stressed in each setting are not set in any overall framework for your life. So they become like completely separated boxes.

Third, one of the most universally accepted values is integrity. What does integrity mean to you?

Integrity is a complex concept. It is a combination of honesty and completeness. Works of art and computer databases have integrity when everything works together the way it's supposed to.

The opposite of integrity is actually easier to define. The opposite of integrity is a two-faced liar. Two-faced means someone who tells a different story to different people. And a liar, of course, lacks honesty.

But we need to be careful. Integrity has strong moral overtones. I want to be a person of integrity because I want to be honest, and I want to be the same person with everyone I meet.

There is nothing morally wrong with having inconsistencies in your life.

Quite the opposite: it is completely normal to have these inconsistencies. It's a natural bi-product of our modern, complicated lives.

But inconsistency creates stress. Inconsistency creates a tension that makes integrity more difficult. And, to the extent that integrity is related to wholeness and completeness, inconsistency reduces integrity.

So what do you do?

Here are some thoughts on where to start.

First, go through the value setting process. See this article on the web site: Value Setting: The Essential Task That Makes Goal Setting Worthwhile. If you've already got a nice, concise, written list of values, then review them.

Second, begin to construct goals and a personal vision statement based on these values. Important point: set such goals for each role you play (employee, parent, spouse, church member, etc.).

This process sounds simple, but it can be difficult and emotionally draining.

It can also be extremely rewarding. The result will be a series of goals that are completely consistent with your core values. So you can look at daily activities and draw a line directly to your goals, your vision, and your values.

If you don't start at the base (the values), it is very difficult to force consistency upon your daily activities and goals. But if you rebuild these goals and activities from the foundation up, then consistency will simply be built into your daily activities.

Some people place no value on consistency because they equate it with abstinence, refusal to change, and a foolish desire to never change one's mind. Hence:

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

And while it's true that you should not be afraid to change your mind from time to time, a consistency borne of your core values and principles is an honorable and difficult achievement.

When the entire world is swirling around us with change, what can we cling to? The answer is: Our values and principles. But we need to articulate these with a calm mind, not in times of turmoil.

Just as with any other muscle of success, working on your values and principles today will prepare you for success in the future. You can create a great deal of change that brings your life more in line with the values and principles you hold.

The rest of the world might think you're changing. In truth, you're just putting things into alignment with goals and values that those people don't see.

Hard work. But worth it.