I have a simple definition of success:

It's almost like cheating. You get to decide what success is. And then, when you do that thing, you've achieved success.

It sounds so simple. But why are we frustrated? Why do we keep striving for success? And why is there all this stress in our lives as we try to make it all work? There are several pieces to this.

First, Success means attaining YOUR goals. Not Society’s goals, not your Mother’s goals, not your Father’s goals, not your manager's goals, etc. You need to be working toward your goals.

Which means you have to have goals.

Most people don't really have goals. They have wishes and desires and hopes. Which is good. But wishes, desires, hopes, and fifty cents won't get you a cup of coffee any more.

You need goals.

Second, Success is not money. Money's fine, and it might be one of your goals. But most people recognize that money is a way to get things done, live where we want, contribute to our causes, buy gifts for our loved ones, take vacations, and so forth. Money is only useful to the extent that it helps us reach our (other) goals.

Without goals, money isn't really very useful.

I think most people waste a lot of money because they have no reason to save it, set it aside, and use it to work for something. When people are "saving up for a new [thing]" they suddenly become much better at managing their money. They go on the New House Budget, or the New Boat Budget, or the Trip to Europe Budget.

When that happens, they suddenly don't need to buy a cappuccino a day, or go to the movies every week. They put off the new printer, the new pet, the upgraded stereo, and the wide screen TV.

Let's see. $5/day for coffee, times 200 days a year = $1,000. That's airfare to Europe. Printer, pet, and stereo. That's another $1,000/yr. So that's a week's hotel in Europe. Wide screen TV. That's enough to take someone with you to Europe.

People do this kind of calculation. They work for it. They pinch the pennies. They make it happen.

But all too often, when they get back home, they go back to exactly the behavior they had before.

Dr. Jekyll saves for the big trip and Mr. Hyde spends money like crazy.

Third, Goals exist within the roles you play.

You have goals for all parts of your life. Some of them are unconscious, so you're not aware you have them. But consider awhile and you'll realize you do.

Personal goals, professional goals, family goals.

Goals at church. Goals in the community. Goals for your family and friends.

Think about the roles you play and how you need to balance the goals for your roles. You as Boss and you as Parent; You as Employee and you as Spouse.

For example (the most common example today): You want to balance your work life and your family life. "Family's the most important thing," you say. Except when it's not.

When you come home after dinner, too exhausted to enjoy your family, then get up the next day and do it again, you're out of balance.

Dr. Jekyll loves his family, but Mr. Hyde needs to spend time at the office.

When we’re un-balanced, we experience it as Stress, Frustration, Short-Temper, and being pulled in different directions. Too often, un-balance manifests itself as stress between work and family.
 

Before you can set goals for the various roles you play, you need to step back and look at the big picture. The really big picture. Don't just look at this job or this task. Look at your life as a whole.

If your family's the most important thing, how do you reorganize the big picture so you really spend time on the things you say are important? How can you make changes to the big picture so that you have

Less Stress

Less Frustration

and More Success?

Fourth, Success and Happiness consist of balancing the goals in your life.

I want to be a good spouse. And a good parent. And a good employer/employee. And a successful business person. And a faithful member of my church. And contribute to the community (at the local, national, or international levels).

And so forth. And so on.

So success doesn't mean working on one of these at a time and neglecting the others. Remember, we said you're going to step back and look at the big picture. What you need to work on is balance. So, while you have all these Jekyll-Hyde goals, one of your highest priorities needs to be be working on balancing these goals.

I know it sounds simplistic. But if you don't state that one of your goals is to actively balance all the other goals, then you won't consciously make an effort to get that done.

Remember that Success is Attaining Your Goals. So perhaps the biggest goal is make a point to balance the other goals. And how do we do that?

By now you know the drill:

Daily reflection. Write down your goals. Spend some quiet time thinking about and refining these goals every day. Working on the process of balancing your goals is just another habit of success that you develop. If you work on this balance, you'll be successful at it.

If you don't work on balance, it won't happen by itself.